Security...

Do you remember what it was like to be little?  And by little, I mean small enough to hide in a cupboard, fit in a doll's cradle or just reach the kitchen counter on your tippy-toes.  Do you remember what it was like to have all of your biggest problems, hurts and fears calmed, and appeased by a security blanket?  My Sydney is still this "little", even if she did just turn 4.  All she needs is her blankie and her thumb and all that is wrong in the world is right again.  It's beautiful.

Yesterday Sydney handed me her blankie which was for all intents and purposes, ripped in half.  That blanket gets a whole lot of lovin' and it's wearing down.  It started as a receiving blanket which was regularly thrown over my shoulder while nursing, burping and holding baby Syd.  She had reflux, so taking her into your arms without a blanket to catch her "secretions" was not for the faint of heart.  She got used to the feel of flannel against her cheek and it just feels like home to her.   She has two, but they are both victims of overuse.  The soft little tags have worn right off.  The duck pattern has faded, the binding at the seams has let go.  And now we have holes and rips.  It's more of a rag.  It makes me sad.

Sydney, 4 months old relaxing with her blankie!

I had to sit with that blankie in my hands last night and decide if I should just let it go.  If perhaps it was time to let it die a slow death.  One rip at a time.  I rubbed the thread-bare flannel in my hands.  I smelled it.  It smells like Sydney.  I remember her wrapped in that blanket when she was brand new.  It has gone everywhere with her.  It helps her relax.  It helps her sleep.  It makes her feel better when she is sad.  In short, it is her best-friend.  How can I deny her that?

So, I took out my sewing kit and with a pretty messy mending-stitch, pieced blankie back together.  Maybe that is enabling?   I want Sydney to be a big girl.  Is blankie keeping her "little"?  Maybe.  But for now, that's okay with me.  She'll give it up when she's good and ready.  And if she still needs it years down the road, I will take my sewing kit out again and stitch it into her wedding dress if that's what she needs!!!  (But I hope she'll give it up on her own before this!!!)